[ She was worried too, that he wouldn't show. Not so much that he'd stand her up, but that he'd get too uncomfortable and take a rain check, and then she'd never get him to agree again.
Which would be okay. He was allowed to do that. He didn't owe her anything.
But he's there, and -- oh wow, he's in a button down and slacks, and she's not sure if it's actually flattering on him or not. Somehow it looks even more like a generic uniform than his SOLDIER clothes, and it's like he recedes a little, almost like it's saying don't look at me.
But she's also so ridiculously happy that he's here and that he tried that her chest hurts with the force of her feelings. She's breathless as she watches him look her over, and her stomach does flips. Is he -- checking her out?
For a moment, the image of him naked and sweating flashes in her mind, and it's all she can do to hold her gaze steady, praying she isn't blushing. That's not fair. They weren't themselves. And whatever he's doing now, it doesn't make her feel like a piece of meat, or even the same as that night. It's gentler and more affectionate.
Friends.
She can set the pang of disappointment aside. It's not his fault she has feelings and he doesn't. That's normal. It happens all the time. This is more than she was promised, and she's going to enjoy it, because she cares about him no matter what they are. ]
Thanks. They're busier than I expected.
[ He's hard to get talking sometimes, when he's aloof like this. That's okay. She can give him his space. What she can't do is stand too close, because then she's going to start thinking about the fact that he looks really cute in a teen-boy-at-a-dance way, but also in a you-have-beautiful-shoulders way, and that's not okay. She's not making this weird.
The waitress leads them in, and Tifa doubts her choice for a moment. It is a little romantic, and that wasn't her intent but...it was still better than the other choices.
The menu gives her something to latch onto, because her hands are suddenly sweaty and she wants to stare at her feet. But when Cloud speaks, her eyes fly up like she was waiting on him this whole time. Maybe she was.
And then she's smiling, bright-eyed and girlish. She's been called beautiful so many times, but he isn't the kind of guy to just say that stuff. ]
You do too. I'm impressed.
[ She bites her lips. Was that condescending? ]
It's been...better than the first day. My room is nice. Nicer than my old apartment. And the people on our floor seem normal. It's better than--
[ She winces. She doesn't really want to talk about that, because she doesn't want him to know how bad it was, those first years, or how stupid she'd been. ]
[ his ears perk up at "i'm impressed" -- and then his eyes dart away, and he's shrinking into himself, coy as a hand moves to rub at the back of his head. he'd haphazardly dressed himself in the only way he knew how; surely, she couldn't have meant it.
but he would be lying if he said it didn't inspire a spark of excitement. something in him stirs.
cloud listens as she speaks. he's never been good at talking-- but listening is another matter entirely. he drinks in every word, ruminating on it. good. she's doing well. ]
Yeah. A step up from Stargazer Heights. [ he speaks light heartedly, although his cadence is still strangely stiff, as characteristic of him as ever. maybe it was wrong-- to let memories of their old lives resurface. he regrets it too late.
and then she says that-- says she didn't have friends. tifa, alone and afraid and vulnerable, in the middle of the centerpiece of the world. his heart aches. and then it burns. ]
...I didn't know.
[ he wishes he did. he wishes he was there. he's holding the menu now, and his fingers tighten against its cover, curling with the embers of protective rage. ]
That isn't going to happen again. [ his voice is hard -- unshakably hard. ] Not as long as I'm here.
[ and then, as if sensing the tension, the waitress materializes out of thin air. with an easy smile, she sidles up into their conversation.
"what would you like to order?"
cloud bristles awkwardly. ]
Um. [ he doesn't have enough experience to gauge what an appropriate answer would be. food was sustenance and nothing more within the realm of his mind. everything was pallid, flavorless, there to fill his stomach at best. rigidly, as his eyes rove over to tifa, he makes some attempt to be a normal human being...
he can't let her know that he's not even capable of this much. she'd deem him a freak -- like the rest of nibelheim did. ]
[ His eyes train on her, bright and sparkling, and for a moment she forgets to breathe. For a moment, she sees him as fifteen, looking at her like she's the first person he's ever seen, and then he's in that room again, naked and wide-eyed and calling her beautiful.
Then he looks away, deflating like a spooked cat. The space between her eyes feels tight. She wants to reach for him, wants to explain he means so much to her, and she just doesn't know how to talk to him, but what would that do? This isn't a date, and she's just insulted him.
Why is this so much harder than it is with anyone else? Is it just because they give her a pass because she's pretty? Maybe he's the only person who knows she's socially awkward, him and maybe Jessie.
Jessie, who's--
His voice is lighter when he speaks again. The effect is near instant, the dread seeping out her dislodging into a fluttery smile. Okay. He's trying. He's joking even.
It's ten seconds of blissful ease before his expression goes cold. She wants to bury her face in her hands, cold tension clamping around her shoulders. Why does this keep happening? Why does she always say the wrong thing? How is she supposed to think straight with this whiplash of emotions. Her brow furrows, expression dropping as she searched for what to even say. It was okay. I was okay. Because she wasn't, and she didn't want to lie to him.
She doesn't want him this rattled either, especially on her account. She bumps his foot under the table again, even as she wants to smooth her hand over his. Even as she wants to be on that side of the booth with him and curl her head against his neck and thank him for caring when no one else did. ]
You are here, so it's not happening again. And I'm better at making friends this time, so you don't have to worry about me.
[ Even if she really, really liked that he worried about her. Even if it's easier to think about that than the unease at how intense he can be.
Then the waitress is back, and Tifa has to duck behind her menu to keep Cloud from seeing her amused smile at just how blunt he is. He's always been like this. Jumpy, a little rude without meaning to be. And it's easier to laugh at that than ache about how much it hurt to see him hurting about her. ]
I want something spicy to start. Does that work for you, Cloud?
[ She can't remember what he ate. It's not something she paid attention to back then, other than she didn't remember him refusing food. But this was both their money. They should both enjoy it. ]
And bartender's favorite drink, top shelf whatever it takes. Tell them they're impressing a fellow bartender.
[ she knows. at least she knows -- that he's there for her. that he won't let anything happen. cloud's face is unchanging, stoicism solidifying his features, but there's a storm brewing in his eyes. ]
...Fine. But--
[ and then she orders, and cloud dawdles a bit, shoulders shifting as he awkwardly reintegrates himself into the conversation. spicy food. right. he could take that -- he hasn't...ordered out at a restaurant since--
there was somebody else there, urging people to treat him well, seated across the booth--
he can remember it so clearly. he swears, he can. it was before SOLDIER. when he was still a rookie, up and coming, and yet--
cloud snaps his head up, reality washing over him waves. ]
...They've got a high standard to meet, huh. [ he teases, and the waitress gives a small ghost of a laugh before leaving them be. the food comes out quicker than expected -- heaping bowls of noodles served on a platter, ushered to them in record speeds. it's a little uncanny, truthfully, but at least it saves him from having to make conversation.
the waitress sets the two of their bowls down. it's accompanied by a drink -- no, two drinks, one to match them both. "this is our couple's set -- his and hers! we wanted to give you two a treat on your date. enjoy!" ]
Huh? [ cloud asks innocuously. he doesn't correct her -- he doesn't want to. instead he gingerly accepts the neon blue drink, saturated bright with an ingredient that was likely far from natural. ] I, uh. [ remembering his manners: ] Thanks.
[ right. he casts a cursory glance to tifa, and then the noodles, and then the drink, and then back to the noodles. he forks a swathe of it into his mouth-- and...
his face lights up. he eats gradually, then quickly, noodles now suckered into his mouth. ]
This is... [ he says, a little breathtaken. a variety of flavors pop in his mouth, bursting and scattering across his tongue. there's the heat, which kicks his eroded taste buds into action, the umami of the soy sauce marinade, the slight sweetness-- ] ...really good.
[ She grins at him, a real one, not the one she plasters on to keep the world happy. And yeah, she knew a lot of Seventh Heaven was...her looks. The dumpling stand had been the same way. But people came back because the food and drinks were good. Because she worked hard and was nice.
Because if it was just for her looks -- it was too bleak to think about too closely. And she knew the bar had done so well for more than that. Looks didn't buy supplies or balance the books.
The waitress leaves and they fall back to silence. For once, she isn't sure what to say. They'd been meaning to get a chance to talk, and everything had been so much, and that's not what she wants to talk about, but now she has him here and she feels shy and empty-headed.
The waitress returns surprisingly fast, and the meal smells amazing, even if Tifa eyes the electric blue his and hers with a weird feeling in her stomach. Cloud says nothing, so she doesn't either.
But she does...watch him eat. Which is probably weird. It's not that the noodles aren't good. They are, which is a relief since she doesn't have that many dining options, but they're like...normal above average good. Not amazing good. ]
SOLDIER not let you guys eat out much? [ she asks, face blatantly twisting into doubting thought. That seemed...weird. But then she catches herself.
She doesn't want him to clam up anymore than he already is. ]
Sorry, you don't have to answer that. They are really good. I love food like this. [ And there's some warmth, realizing it's a taste they share, something easy they could do again.
She picks up her drink, holding it up for a toast. ]
To finally getting to catch up. It really is good to see you again, Cloud.
[ I missed you seems inappropriate, and It's so nice someone else didn't die is....not really what she wants to say. But she smiles at him, warm and unguarded, glad they're doing this, even as the question of what happened to you those five years gnaws at the back of her mind. ]
[ he's not going to elaborate. he doesn't have to. tifa was the heart and soul of seventh heaven, not for something as vain as her looks but the warmth of her being. whether it was drink or food or conversation, she was a salve to those suffocated by the weight of the plate hovering above them.
but she doesn't realize that. he knows she doesn't. so he leans back into the booth, eagerly foisting wads of noodles into his mouth. the light in his eyes burns faintly. ]
Not really. [ he lies. ] Don't remember much of what we ate.
[ there's a blank space there, where there should be more. but he makes an attempt to keep things cordial and natural, even though their circumstances betrayed them. he could put up a semblance of a decent act at the very least.
he stops in his tracks, noodles hanging from his mouth as he peers up from his bowl. and then he lifts his drink and lets the glass ring against hers, the sound sharp and stinging. ]
Yeah. [ a beat. ] Good to see you too, Tifa. Things have been...
A lot.
[ mostly in a bad way. but there were remnants of good too-- like getting to see her, if even for a moment. ]
...You been getting adjusted? [ a beat, as he continues on with his noodles. ] ...Make any friends?
[ her smile is warm, affectionate. They land, every time, because she believes him. And that's such a new experience for her. ]
Too busy learning to be a hero? That sounds about right. [ Soft teasing is so easy with him. She doesn't even notice til it leaves her mouth, but she means it.
She's so thankful he got out. Even if she doesn't say it; that would bring down the mood.
Her eyes crinkle again as he looks so surprised at her toast. But as always, he recalibrates, tries. That's what she admires so much about him.
But that bliss feels mottled again, as he brings up this place, their rapidly diverging lives, the specter of what they're both going to have to do. ]
As much as I can, I think. I go to the gym a lot. There's a few girls I hang out with, which is nice. I can't remember the last time I had this many days off. Probably when we were kids on summer vacation.
[ The truth is its unnerving, and she has to keep busy or she'll lose her mind. ]
[ he says it in that deadpan cadence, hardly emoting -- but he trusts that she knows him well enough to detect when he's simply being himself.
in reality, he can't remember -- what SOLDIER taught him beyond the basics of combat. he remembers the barracks, the constant uphill marches and a rifle in his hands, but not much else.
why was there a rifle to begin with?
cloud shakes the feeling of gun metal, cold and hard, off. in any case, he's almost finished with his bowl of noodles. ]
Girls... [ he remarks, contemplative. ] Friends or...?
[ a beat. "something else?" is implied in the silence. ]
...Not much. [ that's a lie, but he says it coolly no less. ] Turns out not... everyone here is a lost cause.
[ and then he swallows. ]
There's... a guy, actually. And he's-- ...a good person. [ there's fondness softening those words, even if he feigns an attempt at repressing it. ] Don't see that often these days. Turns out he's a doctor, so... if you need anything, just tell him you know me, alright?
[ She shakes her head, twirling her noodles around the bowl. ]
Just friends. I'm not playing the game.
[ But she's a little pink, because she definitely...kissed two different girls. One naked. And she doesn't know if that means she likes girls? She didn't dislike it.
She's saved having to keep thinking about it because Cloud is actually talking.
And her stomach flips at the same time her heart swells. She's so glad he's making friends. She was worried. But...
She thinks again, maybe he turned her down because he likes men. That hurts less than just somehow not being the right girl for him. If that's the case, though, maybe she doesn't have to be quite so careful about some things.
She reaches across the table, putting her hand over his and squeezing it lightly, and she doesn't have to force her smile. Even if there's a little bit of sadness around the edges. ]
I'm really happy for you Cloud. It wasn't easy for either of us, back in Midgar. If there's good that comes from this place, then I think we should both embrace it. And maybe try not to need a doctor, okay?
[ his eyes flicker up to look at her -- he should be...relieved that she doesn't want to play. that she isn't thinking of other people. but, despite everything, despite that horribly jealous and insecure nature of his, the part of him that's worried for her wins out. ]
I... [ he thinks back -- on what reno said. the words have burrowed into his brain, knocking back against his skull. ] I think... we're gonna have to. Whether we like it or not.
[ he hates talking about this. it takes him back to that first night they had together: a nightmare, a dream, the reality that they're faced with. that was the first lesson they had learned here: this game would spare no one.
but even that aside, he can't shake the thought: the idea that they have to go back home. that things are only going to get worse. he can't tell her that. so cloud swallows thickly, eyes roaming, darting away as he sets his fork down. ]
I... [ he starts -- and then he stops. ] Never mind. Just... be careful, okay? It doesn't...
It doesn't... have to be like that night.
[ he's such a fucking idiot. this was supposed to be a good time, and here he is ruining it. and then she's squeezing his hand, and he realizes the implication of what she's saying, startling and flushing and looking away. ]
He and I-- We aren't like that. [ the shame that bubbles to the surface isn't because he's a man, no. it's because this shouldn't be happening at all. ] He's been nice to me, that's all. I just-- I don't know. I didn't think anyone here would be worth talking to aside from you.
[ She sighs, staring off into some empty corner of the restaurant's dark interior, face pinched. ]
I know, but...not for now.
[ She doesn't like thinking about it either. Will it all be like that first time, but...with people she doesn't feel okay about like Cloud? Will it make her want people she doesn't? How is she going to find a way for her first time be, well, okay?
And what about him? He's...well. Delicate. Not everyone is going to be patient and gentle like she is. She doesn't want him being overtaxed and, and...
She bites her lip when he brings up that night. Was that...so bad for him? She really...wouldn't have minded, outside their patron. ]
You too, okay? I'm not that delicate, Cloud. [ It comes out colder and snappier than she means. ] I just ... I've lived in the city on my own for a long time. I can handle myself, okay? You don't have to worry.
[ She wishes he didn't know she was a virgin so she could just lie and say she knew what she was doing. Maybe that was why he hadn't wanted to--
She can't think like that. They're here as friends. They're here to spend time together. Why does it feel like they're fighting? ]
I didn't meant to get my nose in anything. I just meant, if you were, or if you do find someone...it's okay to keep good people close, even if it's here, okay? I'm glad you found someone worthwhile, whatever they are to you. I won't push into your private life. That's your business.
[ She hates the way she skates over his compliment, the way it sticks in her stomach and makes her eyes feel tight. Maybe this hadn't been a good idea. Maybe she wasn't ready for this. Which is ridiculous. She had no claim on Cloud. She barely knew him, really. ]
[ he's messed this up and he knows it. things between them-- always veered in this direction, awkwardly ambling along the tracks before the inevitable collision. it's been this way ever since they were kids, and somehow, the distance has only widened since then.
pathetically, his features loosen, the mask falling as his expression softens into that of a kicked dog's. he knows -- that she can handle herself. that she's strong, that she endured the hell that was that day 5 years ago too. ]
...Alright. [ he speaks quietly, submitting at last. ] I get it. You've... gone through a lot.
[ and then the blues of his eyes stray, looking for something, anything to imprint on. ]
...I'm sorry. That I wasn't there.
[ he doesn't know-- where he was. but it wasn't there, when it should have been. ]
I feel like... this place'll just taint everything it touches. Even the good things. I don't trust them -- the people in charge.
[ even these precious moments, time and opportunities they'd never get back home -- were they truly safe? ]
But... [ his throat is unbearably tight. ] I'm still-- I'm still glad. That you're meeting people who treat you good. You deserve that.
[ She always does this -- finally decides to fight back and regrets it instantly. Why does she always do it with him? She knows he means well. It makes her stomach feel leaden, the way he curls in on himself. ]
Cloud, I didn't -- [ She didn't what? Want him to back off? Mean to hurt him? ] I wish we had been in the same place, but it's neither of our fault. You don't have to be sorry for something you didn't even know about. [ She's unaware how much firmer her tone is, or the way her hands clench.
That image, of him comatose in the alley, comes unbidden. Why is he apologizing to her? They were both victims here. And...
He was the only one who ever cared about what happened to her. She just...didn't want him thinking of her as this brittle little girl who couldn't do anything herself.
Like everyone else did.
She sighs rubbing her head and shaking it. ] You're right. About this place. I'm not mad at you, at all. And I'm glad you're meeting people too. We both deserve that.
[ She puts on a much better smile, aware it's a lie but -- she wants to get back to that nice place with him. ]
Let's finish up here and take a walk? I've been wanting to see the gardens. I don't think there's monsters here, but if there are, we can take them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Which would be okay. He was allowed to do that. He didn't owe her anything.
But he's there, and -- oh wow, he's in a button down and slacks, and she's not sure if it's actually flattering on him or not. Somehow it looks even more like a generic uniform than his SOLDIER clothes, and it's like he recedes a little, almost like it's saying don't look at me.
But she's also so ridiculously happy that he's here and that he tried that her chest hurts with the force of her feelings. She's breathless as she watches him look her over, and her stomach does flips. Is he -- checking her out?
For a moment, the image of him naked and sweating flashes in her mind, and it's all she can do to hold her gaze steady, praying she isn't blushing. That's not fair. They weren't themselves. And whatever he's doing now, it doesn't make her feel like a piece of meat, or even the same as that night. It's gentler and more affectionate.
Friends.
She can set the pang of disappointment aside. It's not his fault she has feelings and he doesn't. That's normal. It happens all the time. This is more than she was promised, and she's going to enjoy it, because she cares about him no matter what they are. ]
Thanks. They're busier than I expected.
[ He's hard to get talking sometimes, when he's aloof like this. That's okay. She can give him his space. What she can't do is stand too close, because then she's going to start thinking about the fact that he looks really cute in a teen-boy-at-a-dance way, but also in a you-have-beautiful-shoulders way, and that's not okay. She's not making this weird.
The waitress leads them in, and Tifa doubts her choice for a moment. It is a little romantic, and that wasn't her intent but...it was still better than the other choices.
The menu gives her something to latch onto, because her hands are suddenly sweaty and she wants to stare at her feet. But when Cloud speaks, her eyes fly up like she was waiting on him this whole time. Maybe she was.
And then she's smiling, bright-eyed and girlish. She's been called beautiful so many times, but he isn't the kind of guy to just say that stuff. ]
You do too. I'm impressed.
[ She bites her lips. Was that condescending? ]
It's been...better than the first day. My room is nice. Nicer than my old apartment. And the people on our floor seem normal. It's better than--
[ She winces. She doesn't really want to talk about that, because she doesn't want him to know how bad it was, those first years, or how stupid she'd been. ]
Than when I got to Midgar, at least.
[ She bumps his foot under the table. ]
I didn't have any friends there.
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but he would be lying if he said it didn't inspire a spark of excitement. something in him stirs.
cloud listens as she speaks. he's never been good at talking-- but listening is another matter entirely. he drinks in every word, ruminating on it. good. she's doing well. ]
Yeah. A step up from Stargazer Heights. [ he speaks light heartedly, although his cadence is still strangely stiff, as characteristic of him as ever. maybe it was wrong-- to let memories of their old lives resurface. he regrets it too late.
and then she says that-- says she didn't have friends. tifa, alone and afraid and vulnerable, in the middle of the centerpiece of the world. his heart aches. and then it burns. ]
...I didn't know.
[ he wishes he did. he wishes he was there. he's holding the menu now, and his fingers tighten against its cover, curling with the embers of protective rage. ]
That isn't going to happen again. [ his voice is hard -- unshakably hard. ] Not as long as I'm here.
[ and then, as if sensing the tension, the waitress materializes out of thin air. with an easy smile, she sidles up into their conversation.
"what would you like to order?"
cloud bristles awkwardly. ]
Um. [ he doesn't have enough experience to gauge what an appropriate answer would be. food was sustenance and nothing more within the realm of his mind. everything was pallid, flavorless, there to fill his stomach at best. rigidly, as his eyes rove over to tifa, he makes some attempt to be a normal human being...
he can't let her know that he's not even capable of this much. she'd deem him a freak -- like the rest of nibelheim did. ]
Whatever's good... never eaten here, so...
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Then he looks away, deflating like a spooked cat. The space between her eyes feels tight. She wants to reach for him, wants to explain he means so much to her, and she just doesn't know how to talk to him, but what would that do? This isn't a date, and she's just insulted him.
Why is this so much harder than it is with anyone else? Is it just because they give her a pass because she's pretty? Maybe he's the only person who knows she's socially awkward, him and maybe Jessie.
Jessie, who's--
His voice is lighter when he speaks again. The effect is near instant, the dread seeping out her dislodging into a fluttery smile. Okay. He's trying. He's joking even.
It's ten seconds of blissful ease before his expression goes cold. She wants to bury her face in her hands, cold tension clamping around her shoulders. Why does this keep happening? Why does she always say the wrong thing? How is she supposed to think straight with this whiplash of emotions. Her brow furrows, expression dropping as she searched for what to even say. It was okay. I was okay. Because she wasn't, and she didn't want to lie to him.
She doesn't want him this rattled either, especially on her account. She bumps his foot under the table again, even as she wants to smooth her hand over his. Even as she wants to be on that side of the booth with him and curl her head against his neck and thank him for caring when no one else did. ]
You are here, so it's not happening again. And I'm better at making friends this time, so you don't have to worry about me.
[ Even if she really, really liked that he worried about her. Even if it's easier to think about that than the unease at how intense he can be.
Then the waitress is back, and Tifa has to duck behind her menu to keep Cloud from seeing her amused smile at just how blunt he is. He's always been like this. Jumpy, a little rude without meaning to be. And it's easier to laugh at that than ache about how much it hurt to see him hurting about her. ]
I want something spicy to start. Does that work for you, Cloud?
[ She can't remember what he ate. It's not something she paid attention to back then, other than she didn't remember him refusing food. But this was both their money. They should both enjoy it. ]
And bartender's favorite drink, top shelf whatever it takes. Tell them they're impressing a fellow bartender.
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...Fine. But--
[ and then she orders, and cloud dawdles a bit, shoulders shifting as he awkwardly reintegrates himself into the conversation. spicy food. right. he could take that -- he hasn't...ordered out at a restaurant since--
there was somebody else there, urging people to treat him well, seated across the booth--
he can remember it so clearly. he swears, he can. it was before SOLDIER. when he was still a rookie, up and coming, and yet--
cloud snaps his head up, reality washing over him waves. ]
...They've got a high standard to meet, huh. [ he teases, and the waitress gives a small ghost of a laugh before leaving them be. the food comes out quicker than expected -- heaping bowls of noodles served on a platter, ushered to them in record speeds. it's a little uncanny, truthfully, but at least it saves him from having to make conversation.
the waitress sets the two of their bowls down. it's accompanied by a drink -- no, two drinks, one to match them both. "this is our couple's set -- his and hers! we wanted to give you two a treat on your date. enjoy!" ]
Huh? [ cloud asks innocuously. he doesn't correct her -- he doesn't want to. instead he gingerly accepts the neon blue drink, saturated bright with an ingredient that was likely far from natural. ] I, uh. [ remembering his manners: ] Thanks.
[ right. he casts a cursory glance to tifa, and then the noodles, and then the drink, and then back to the noodles. he forks a swathe of it into his mouth-- and...
his face lights up. he eats gradually, then quickly, noodles now suckered into his mouth. ]
This is... [ he says, a little breathtaken. a variety of flavors pop in his mouth, bursting and scattering across his tongue. there's the heat, which kicks his eroded taste buds into action, the umami of the soy sauce marinade, the slight sweetness-- ] ...really good.
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[ She grins at him, a real one, not the one she plasters on to keep the world happy. And yeah, she knew a lot of Seventh Heaven was...her looks. The dumpling stand had been the same way. But people came back because the food and drinks were good. Because she worked hard and was nice.
Because if it was just for her looks -- it was too bleak to think about too closely. And she knew the bar had done so well for more than that. Looks didn't buy supplies or balance the books.
The waitress leaves and they fall back to silence. For once, she isn't sure what to say. They'd been meaning to get a chance to talk, and everything had been so much, and that's not what she wants to talk about, but now she has him here and she feels shy and empty-headed.
The waitress returns surprisingly fast, and the meal smells amazing, even if Tifa eyes the electric blue his and hers with a weird feeling in her stomach. Cloud says nothing, so she doesn't either.
But she does...watch him eat. Which is probably weird. It's not that the noodles aren't good. They are, which is a relief since she doesn't have that many dining options, but they're like...normal above average good. Not amazing good. ]
SOLDIER not let you guys eat out much? [ she asks, face blatantly twisting into doubting thought. That seemed...weird. But then she catches herself.
She doesn't want him to clam up anymore than he already is. ]
Sorry, you don't have to answer that. They are really good. I love food like this. [ And there's some warmth, realizing it's a taste they share, something easy they could do again.
She picks up her drink, holding it up for a toast. ]
To finally getting to catch up. It really is good to see you again, Cloud.
[ I missed you seems inappropriate, and It's so nice someone else didn't die is....not really what she wants to say. But she smiles at him, warm and unguarded, glad they're doing this, even as the question of what happened to you those five years gnaws at the back of her mind. ]
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[ he's not going to elaborate. he doesn't have to. tifa was the heart and soul of seventh heaven, not for something as vain as her looks but the warmth of her being. whether it was drink or food or conversation, she was a salve to those suffocated by the weight of the plate hovering above them.
but she doesn't realize that. he knows she doesn't. so he leans back into the booth, eagerly foisting wads of noodles into his mouth. the light in his eyes burns faintly. ]
Not really. [ he lies. ] Don't remember much of what we ate.
[ there's a blank space there, where there should be more. but he makes an attempt to keep things cordial and natural, even though their circumstances betrayed them. he could put up a semblance of a decent act at the very least.
he stops in his tracks, noodles hanging from his mouth as he peers up from his bowl. and then he lifts his drink and lets the glass ring against hers, the sound sharp and stinging. ]
Yeah. [ a beat. ] Good to see you too, Tifa. Things have been...
A lot.
[ mostly in a bad way. but there were remnants of good too-- like getting to see her, if even for a moment. ]
...You been getting adjusted? [ a beat, as he continues on with his noodles. ] ...Make any friends?
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Too busy learning to be a hero? That sounds about right. [ Soft teasing is so easy with him. She doesn't even notice til it leaves her mouth, but she means it.
She's so thankful he got out. Even if she doesn't say it; that would bring down the mood.
Her eyes crinkle again as he looks so surprised at her toast. But as always, he recalibrates, tries. That's what she admires so much about him.
But that bliss feels mottled again, as he brings up this place, their rapidly diverging lives, the specter of what they're both going to have to do. ]
As much as I can, I think. I go to the gym a lot. There's a few girls I hang out with, which is nice. I can't remember the last time I had this many days off. Probably when we were kids on summer vacation.
[ The truth is its unnerving, and she has to keep busy or she'll lose her mind. ]
What about you?
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[ he says it in that deadpan cadence, hardly emoting -- but he trusts that she knows him well enough to detect when he's simply being himself.
in reality, he can't remember -- what SOLDIER taught him beyond the basics of combat. he remembers the barracks, the constant uphill marches and a rifle in his hands, but not much else.
why was there a rifle to begin with?
cloud shakes the feeling of gun metal, cold and hard, off. in any case, he's almost finished with his bowl of noodles. ]
Girls... [ he remarks, contemplative. ] Friends or...?
[ a beat. "something else?" is implied in the silence. ]
...Not much. [ that's a lie, but he says it coolly no less. ] Turns out not... everyone here is a lost cause.
[ and then he swallows. ]
There's... a guy, actually. And he's-- ...a good person. [ there's fondness softening those words, even if he feigns an attempt at repressing it. ] Don't see that often these days. Turns out he's a doctor, so... if you need anything, just tell him you know me, alright?
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Just friends. I'm not playing the game.
[ But she's a little pink, because she definitely...kissed two different girls. One naked. And she doesn't know if that means she likes girls? She didn't dislike it.
She's saved having to keep thinking about it because Cloud is actually talking.
And her stomach flips at the same time her heart swells. She's so glad he's making friends. She was worried. But...
She thinks again, maybe he turned her down because he likes men. That hurts less than just somehow not being the right girl for him. If that's the case, though, maybe she doesn't have to be quite so careful about some things.
She reaches across the table, putting her hand over his and squeezing it lightly, and she doesn't have to force her smile. Even if there's a little bit of sadness around the edges. ]
I'm really happy for you Cloud. It wasn't easy for either of us, back in Midgar. If there's good that comes from this place, then I think we should both embrace it. And maybe try not to need a doctor, okay?
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[ his eyes flicker up to look at her -- he should be...relieved that she doesn't want to play. that she isn't thinking of other people. but, despite everything, despite that horribly jealous and insecure nature of his, the part of him that's worried for her wins out. ]
I... [ he thinks back -- on what reno said. the words have burrowed into his brain, knocking back against his skull. ] I think... we're gonna have to. Whether we like it or not.
[ he hates talking about this. it takes him back to that first night they had together: a nightmare, a dream, the reality that they're faced with. that was the first lesson they had learned here: this game would spare no one.
but even that aside, he can't shake the thought: the idea that they have to go back home. that things are only going to get worse. he can't tell her that. so cloud swallows thickly, eyes roaming, darting away as he sets his fork down. ]
I... [ he starts -- and then he stops. ] Never mind. Just... be careful, okay? It doesn't...
It doesn't... have to be like that night.
[ he's such a fucking idiot. this was supposed to be a good time, and here he is ruining it. and then she's squeezing his hand, and he realizes the implication of what she's saying, startling and flushing and looking away. ]
He and I-- We aren't like that. [ the shame that bubbles to the surface isn't because he's a man, no. it's because this shouldn't be happening at all. ] He's been nice to me, that's all. I just-- I don't know. I didn't think anyone here would be worth talking to aside from you.
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I know, but...not for now.
[ She doesn't like thinking about it either. Will it all be like that first time, but...with people she doesn't feel okay about like Cloud? Will it make her want people she doesn't? How is she going to find a way for her first time be, well, okay?
And what about him? He's...well. Delicate. Not everyone is going to be patient and gentle like she is. She doesn't want him being overtaxed and, and...
She bites her lip when he brings up that night. Was that...so bad for him? She really...wouldn't have minded, outside their patron. ]
You too, okay? I'm not that delicate, Cloud. [ It comes out colder and snappier than she means. ] I just ... I've lived in the city on my own for a long time. I can handle myself, okay? You don't have to worry.
[ She wishes he didn't know she was a virgin so she could just lie and say she knew what she was doing. Maybe that was why he hadn't wanted to--
She can't think like that. They're here as friends. They're here to spend time together. Why does it feel like they're fighting? ]
I didn't meant to get my nose in anything. I just meant, if you were, or if you do find someone...it's okay to keep good people close, even if it's here, okay? I'm glad you found someone worthwhile, whatever they are to you. I won't push into your private life. That's your business.
[ She hates the way she skates over his compliment, the way it sticks in her stomach and makes her eyes feel tight. Maybe this hadn't been a good idea. Maybe she wasn't ready for this. Which is ridiculous. She had no claim on Cloud. She barely knew him, really. ]
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pathetically, his features loosen, the mask falling as his expression softens into that of a kicked dog's. he knows -- that she can handle herself. that she's strong, that she endured the hell that was that day 5 years ago too. ]
...Alright. [ he speaks quietly, submitting at last. ] I get it. You've... gone through a lot.
[ and then the blues of his eyes stray, looking for something, anything to imprint on. ]
...I'm sorry. That I wasn't there.
[ he doesn't know-- where he was. but it wasn't there, when it should have been. ]
I feel like... this place'll just taint everything it touches. Even the good things. I don't trust them -- the people in charge.
[ even these precious moments, time and opportunities they'd never get back home -- were they truly safe? ]
But... [ his throat is unbearably tight. ] I'm still-- I'm still glad. That you're meeting people who treat you good. You deserve that.
[ she did. she always did. ]
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Cloud, I didn't -- [ She didn't what? Want him to back off? Mean to hurt him? ] I wish we had been in the same place, but it's neither of our fault. You don't have to be sorry for something you didn't even know about. [ She's unaware how much firmer her tone is, or the way her hands clench.
That image, of him comatose in the alley, comes unbidden. Why is he apologizing to her? They were both victims here. And...
He was the only one who ever cared about what happened to her. She just...didn't want him thinking of her as this brittle little girl who couldn't do anything herself.
Like everyone else did.
She sighs rubbing her head and shaking it. ] You're right. About this place. I'm not mad at you, at all. And I'm glad you're meeting people too. We both deserve that.
[ She puts on a much better smile, aware it's a lie but -- she wants to get back to that nice place with him. ]
Let's finish up here and take a walk? I've been wanting to see the gardens. I don't think there's monsters here, but if there are, we can take them.