[ there's no way to really say "that's just what i assume of people -- there's no real reason to be interested in a guy like me." but he would rather die than forfeit his veneer of invulnerability, so he sighs through his nose, searching for any other excuse. ]
resort had me fucked up last month. wasn't thinking straight.
and there's a lot of people here. could have fun with any of them. no reason it has to be me.
[ Oh, now he's curious. Buuuuut he's going to hold onto that particular nugget for the time being— ]
I wouldn't have to if you weren't so difficult to find in the first place. I took a LOA to try as much but I didn't have any luck before my time was up.
[ At least he got in a couple good rounds of Fort Condor in the meantime? And he'd even gone and made a new friend, even if she was an odd one. ]
Weren't you picking the place to avoid my stupid ideas?
had a lot going on. shinra's no joke. you know that.
[ and he was right, but -- thinking of what to do sans any real thrills or adrenaline inducing activity was... shockingly hard. all there was to do here was--
It's not all that bad. I could take or leave the paperwork but the rest of it? Had I known I had what it took when I was your age I probably would've changed lanes much sooner. Then again if I did, I might have never met you and I'd be poorer for it.
[ Not to mention it keeps any unneeded expense reports off the desks of the higher ups and subsequently keeps them from dragging him into their office for an earful, but given how things've been going in Midgar recently he wouldn't be surprised if they took advantage of his, ahem, antics to twist them around in their favor. Whatever though, right? It's not Roche's circus nor are they his monkeys. ]
If you don't want to lose me I'd say the egg, or else you might have to come to my rescue if someone tries to kidnap me again. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with it but seeing as I'd rather spend time with you...
you've really got no issue being one of their dogs? being a SOLDIER comes with a leash and collar.
you talk like a geezer i'm not a kid you know how old are you even?
[ there's a dull throb of pain addling his brain, but he's electing to ignore it. right. this is what he knew of SOLDIER -- this is why he left... more notably, he's flustering again -- the heel of his foot drums against the floor. ]
Even if I wanted to rip the leash from their hands, where would I go? I'd rather live with a leash than have to be forced into a life of obscurity. That, my dear, would be a surefire way to ensure I wither away like a flower trying to grow within Midgar.
[ He's no fool — people don't just quit SOLDIER on a whim and even if they did, he knows the company would keep tabs on him for the rest of his natural life. Roche hums to himself and lets the thought cross his mind twice, then shakes it away. No point in dwelling on what-ifs, right? He's not in Midgar. ]
Geezer? And you're asking me how old I am? Honestly 😝
Tried to kidnap me. I simply refused their "offer" and they let me be, that's all.
you serious? guts and glory matter more than your own freedom?
listen. i've seen the ugly side of shinra. the risk isn't worth it.
[ maybe, just maybe, it's a thought borne from genuine concern, even if he would be hard pressed to admit it. shinra betrayed him -- stole his life away from him. even if the details are lost in the fog of his mind, the feeling is real; he knows that much. ]
not my fault you talk like you've got grandkids
okay so let's maybe not go to the place that tried to kidnap you
It's the other way around, actually. If guts and glory mattered to me I'd have gunned for those Second and First Class promotions. They're still there if I want it, but I'm not keen on the idea of being torn from my mount and saddled with the responsibilities that come with the rank given that the pros and cons more or less remain the same regardless of my standing.
[ Plus, well, as a Third he does have a great deal more freedom than the ordinary run-of-the-mill trooper and a great deal more than most civilians. There isn't a single doubt in his mind that he'd have never gotten his bike had he stayed, and the Hardy Daytona... Gods, the price tag on that masterpiece would've been astronomical without the money he makes now. ]
No casino, then. Understood ;)
I've got enough, why? I can't imagine Smoked Egg being too expensive unless you plan on trying to clean my wallet out.
a collar's a collar, whether you're a grunt, third, second, first. so long as you're shinra property, they're not going to care.
but i guess we're somebody else's property now anyways. this place isn't much different from midgar in the end.
[ in the end, he can't begrudge him for wanting a shot -- for wanting something. isn't that how he'd gotten in his predicament to start with? ]
they've got an underground there. sell things you wouldn't find otherwise. might be good to have something on you in case someone tries to kidnap you again.
but fine. smoking it is. think you can be there in an hour?
You've got to admit I cut a stunning figure wearing their collar regardless. I wasn't a big fan of the ordinary trooper scarves but the red one I got when I started climbing the ranks in the mobile unit? 👌👌 Love at first sight.
[ Now if only he was able to stop turning them into grease rags when he'd work on his bike and tinker with all the others down in the parking garage for fun... At least the higher-ups don't have to worry about the uniform budget now that he's out of their hair, though the same can't be said for the budget for new machines. ]
It's sweet of you to worry but when I said "kidnap" I meant it more along the lines of them coaxing me into spending the evening with them. Not actual kidnapping. I promise I'm more than capable of handling myself should something like that ever happen with or without a weapon, and if I really do need one? I'm sure I could swing a chair around just fine.
I can do an hour. It'll give me time to gussy myself up for you ♥︎
[ there's another horrible headache incoming. alright, time to discard that line of thought. ]
oh
[ well now he feels STUPID. ]
right
see you soon enough
[ whatever. this is his best shot at making a decent outtro. give it an hour -- and he is, indeed, positioned at the entrance of the smoked egg. he's suited up in a leather jacket and dark jeans, boots strapped up to his calves. typical bikerwear, appropriate for the occasion. cloud is present on the dot for a change, eyes flitting down at his watch before he notes roche's presence. a silence passes and he strides up to him, body language a bit rigid and stiff -- it's him being awkward more than anything. ]
[ He's not the only one decked out in leathers. Ever since he'd stumbled across it, Roche has made a certain phoenix-themed jacket part of his daily wear in lieu of his old favorites from home, and though he technically doesn't have to wear one anymore, he can't quite shake the comfort of a good turtleneck underneath it all. Not like anyone could blame him though, not when he can make them work and work good.
As he spots Cloud, one hand moves over his heart as if it'd calm the way it quickens at the sight of him, his eyes alight with honest-to-gods joy. Be still, my beating heart. Do not screw this up— ]
I can't say I have, no. I've thought about it once or twice but going to one of these places alone isn't nearly as fun.
[ He takes a slow breath and once he's certain his heart isn't at risk of fluttering from his body, Roche allows himself to give Cloud a careful look from head-to-toe. ]
[ it would be a lie to say he didn't dig the look; if he could give the man credit for anything, in full faith, it's that he had an undeniable flair. cloud's hands are dug into his pockets in some attempt to project a cool and detached disposition, but in reality he looks--
more clumsily withdrawn than anything. it's fine. he's in the process of formulating a response, but his brain scrambles in real time before he can.
his cheeks are not welling with heat, it's fine. you don't see the way the faintest shade of pink crawls across his skin in the dark, nope. cloud opens his mouth. then closes it. then opens it again. ]
...That's-- That's one word for it.
[ great comeback, really. ]
...Only been here twice myself. [ a beat. ] Think they had places like this back in Midgar, but -- I had better things to do. Other places to be.
[ no, he did not. but moving on. the waitstaff usher them into the lounge; the air is thick with smoke, haze-like and surreal as if the very interior of the place is fraying at its edges. they're guided to a large, plush booth, bong front and center. cloud practically hangs off one of its ends. ]
...I can't shake it. [ his eyes roam far ahead, looking into the ether. ] This feeling, like... we should be fighting.... something. Anything.
[ He remembers an old bar that had something like this in Midgar, back when he'd first started venturing out into the city. As Roche claims his own spot in the booth and starts to thumb through the basket of assorted tobaccos placed next to the bong, he takes a moment to think back on it. That place was much more... seedier than this place, that's for damned sure. Back then, he remembers myriad pairs of eyes leering at him — a newcomer and an outsider encroaching on their turf — while he'd let himself be dazzled by the crew he'd fallen in with. Gods, what was that place called? Not Mad Malboro, no... That was the good one, the classy place over in Eight.
Roche shakes his head after a moment, deciding it wasn't that important. When he can't find what he was looking for, he slides the basket over towards Cloud and tilts his chin at it in a silent request of pick something. In the meantime, he turns his attention to the bong and sets to work on setting everything else up with steady hands. ]
Something-anything other than this, you mean?
[ Wordlessly, he holds his hand out for whatever it is he picks. ]
Is it because of our respective, ah... allegiances? Or something else?
[ somehow, he doesn't expect it-- having to pick. there were aphrodisiacs here, as there were in any other part of the resort, and he's keen to avoid them. but he was only so capable of it, given that every single aspect of this gilded paradise of theirs was dedicated to facilitating sex.
chocolate makes you horny. he knows that much. his fingers skirt over it. vanilla makes you... feel the depths of someone else's grief, stupor, what have you-- "okay, maybe let's not do that either." his hand settles on a strand of strawberry, the scent positively delightful, enticing him more than it should be.
alright. fine. what's the worst that could happen? cloud sets it in the palm of roche's hand, the pads of his fingers brushing up against his skin. ]
Mm. [ he mulls over it for a moment. ] ...Don't think it's that. Fighting's just in who we are. ...At least, that's how it is for me.
[ his shoulders roll back, and his back leans into the plush of the loveseat. ]
So it's--...weird. To not have to do it here... To not be allowed to. And... they took my sword. [ a drawn out silence. ] I can't forgive 'em for that -- no matter what.
[ With the tobacco in hand, Roche gets about packing it on in. The only time he pauses is when he picks up a few lighters to find the working one, because goddamnit they always leave duds out on the table at these places. Four, maybe five flicks of his thumb later and he hits the jackpot. Charcoal? Come to daddy— ]
Who says we're not allowed to fight? I've gone at it with a few of the long-time residents already. One was... I think he said he used to be a wrestler? A real one, not like the ones you'd see on stage with costumes and dramatic storylines. I told him I'm a military man and he wanted to go a few rounds, and then there was a man who tackled me outside of that little get-together our hosts threw for us some weeks ago. We damn near tore each other apart, but...
[ Roche waves some of the smoke away when it starts going and if he looks a little proud of himself? Well, let him live, okay? All that's left now is to wait for the rest of it to catch.]
Point is, I truly don't think they care about the occasional fight or brawl so long as one doesn't decide to start swinging at everyone who looks at them funny or says hello.
[ A glance, and Roche lets himself ease back against the seat too, one brow arched in curiosity. Clearly there's more to it than just a sword, but... he isn't going to paw at that particular door like an unruly behemoth. He's smarter than that. ]
They do have wooden ones in a specialized room down in the Beak. They don't let you take them off the floor but if you're itching to go a few rounds like that versus hand-to-hand, I'd be happy to oblige.
[ a plume of smoke materializes, edged with wisps of silver as it whirls about them. cloud, very pathetically, lets out a dry cough as he acclimates-- he's a baby smoker, please let him live...
but eventually, the tension bleeds out of his shoulders. he's quiet, back impressing onto the fabric of the loveseat. roche is right there, next to him. right. everything reeks so potently of strawberry right now. ]
...Not the same as my Buster Sword. [ his eyes flicker down. ] It--
It was special.
[ he sounds like such a kid right now. if it weren't for the sweet haze enveloping him right now, he'd shrink right into himself. ]
...Fighting for your life and fighting for fun are two different things. I guess-- it's the same, for some people...
[ a beat. ]
I'm...
I'm kind of into a good fight. The ones that really get your blood pumping... the ones where you have no idea if you'll make it out of there in one piece. Yeah, those ones...
[ a moment passes -- and he jolts up, as if suddenly cognizant of what he said.
[ The shift happens so fast Roche feels like he barely has time to blink. One minute he's watching Cloud trying to blend in with the seat, and the next he jumps like a chocobo had pecked him right on the asscheck. Try as he might he can't completely stifle his laugh but it's not as wild as it was on his bike. This one is more quiet and subdued in comparison and the smile he flashes bears no ill will, teasing, or mockery.
It's genuine. ]
Didn't mean to let that one slip? It's fine, Cloud.
[ Saying his name for real feels... good. Really, really good if he's allowed to be honest with himself. Sure, Roche loves coming up with nicknames and petnames for pretty much everyone he meets in his life but there was something much more intimate about using the former. Something in his heart flutters, and he reaches for one of the hoses to finally take a proper drag before he exhales the smoke through his nose like some mythical sea serpent from Wutai's legends.
He wordlessly offers it up with a little wiggle-wave. ]
I get it. The line between fighting and foreplay is so thin that it may as well not exist for me but it's... very rare that I find myself in a situation where it blurs in with the rest of the road. That's partially why I push my engine as hard as I do — I want that thrill and I can't quite find it among my own brothers and sisters within the company.
[ Sparring troopers wasn't much fun when they came to him. Other Thirds? Trouncing them was easy. Seconds... They could put up a damned good fight, but they were outnumbered by those in his own rank. Firsts? Ha, that's funny. Now, the road? That's where the real rush was. ]
So, believe me when I say there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'd even go out on a limb and wager that having that kind of response is natural.
[ the strangest thing about roche, to cloud, is his constant stream of unpredictability; this resort, for was lascivious and luxurious as it was, had every last one of them caged at their cores. cloud blinks as if taking it all in, the gentleness of his reaction, the benign and brisk reassurance he offers.
the sudden onslaught of his high right now isn't exactly helping. he's used to the grandeur -- to his more grandiose expressions. and less used to people attempting to make him feel... normal. even when he knows, deep within his heart, that he's not. that he never has been, and never will be.
cloud's breath is caught in his throat. flush creeps into his cheeks, although he hopes that the low light of the lounge obscures it. ]
...I don't know. [ he admits more honestly. ] Maybe it isn't normal for everyone. Maybe it's just us.
[ cloud's eyes flicker away. his inhibitions are lowering in real time -- words tumble out of his mouth, haphazard and earnest. ]
...Back in Midgar. When we were racing-- [ a pause. ] S'that mean you... were turned on, or?
[ It's not a no which is the important part. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't, nor did he bother holding back when it came to the stupid, wild shit that came out of his mouth that night. He'd do it all over again if he could too, and he will the instant the opportunity presents itself even if it's not quite the way he'd like it to go. ]
Though I wouldn't say it's just us. I've met a few people in my time here and back home who seem to ride the same roads, though I will say that we're quite different compared to everyone else here. We're SOLDIERs, you and I, and that makes our bond that much more special. People could try but I don't think they'd truly understand what it's like for us.
[ Roche tilts his head and for a moment, the light catches his eyes in just the right way to make the mako truly shine. ]
You felt it too, didn't you? If I'm not mistaken I could've sworn I felt a spark ignite between us that night, and I don't mean the ones I was casting.
[ in ordinary circumstances, it'd be easier to lie -- to keep everything firmly lodged behind that deliberately constructed mask of his. but the smoke makes him play looser, easier, and cloud meets roche's gaze. mako intermingles with mako, the light casting off of each other's eyes. ]
...Yeah. I--...
I did. [ he admits honestly, withdrawing into his more sheepish, boy-like core. ]
I don't...really know what to do about that.
[ where to take that feeling -- or what comes from it. especially here. ]
[ Everything and anything is what he wants to say. Those three simple words sit poised on the end of his tongue while he taps and rolls the mouthpiece of his hose over his bottom lip, thinking and choosing his next words. As spontaneous as he can be, he knows that there's a time and place for such behavior and Roche knows that now isn't one of those moments. ]
Ha. I... Given the circumstances I'd gladly take whatever you saw fit to offer, as would I be happy to give whatever you'd ask of me.
[ Because what he truly yearns for — hearing the sweet, cacophonous roar of both of their engines skirting the red and singing together — was nearly impossible in the resort. The vehicles in the garage were good, yes. Good, beautiful, and begging to let their songs be heard after months and years of being kept silent if the old-timers were to be believed, but they weren't the ones Roche wanted to share. Their frames couldn't handle one SOLDIER let alone two, not like his girl could.
He misses that red beauty more than ever. ]
Even if I only manage to steal moments like this. When I said I wanted to know you, I meant it, Cloud.
[ his heart is a metronome, ticking in the silence, eyes peering straight ahead. for a moment -- he loses himself in his own mind, as if trying to parse the words bit by bit, not sure of what to make of them. heat spreads across his body in waves, reminiscent of wildfire, and any real words he could manage are clinging to the confines of his throat.
he blinks once. then twice. in the dark, both of their eyes glow wildly, like the spark of an engine. cloud shifts closer, the heel of his palm pressing down against roche's thigh. ]
...We don't have any bikes here.
[ no shit, buddy. a beat. ]
I...
[ the strawberry haze coaxes something inexplicably truthful out of him -- something honest. ]
Don't think-- I know myself either...
[ he swallows. ]
...Hey. [ a drawn out silence. ] ...Let me touch you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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resort had me fucked up last month. wasn't thinking straight.
and there's a lot of people here. could have fun with any of them. no reason it has to be me.
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[ People like Cloud, obviously. ]
I still am for the record. Interested, I mean. It's not the first time you've slipped through my fingers but I'm very persistent when I want to be.
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[ he's deflecting. probably. ]
that your way of saying you'll stalk me?
[ it's a shitty attempt at a joke, don't mind him. another minute passes. ]
feel like a dinner date wouldn't do much for you. you got any bright ideas as to what we should do?
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I wouldn't have to if you weren't so difficult to find in the first place. I took a LOA to try as much but I didn't have any luck before my time was up.
[ At least he got in a couple good rounds of Fort Condor in the meantime? And he'd even gone and made a new friend, even if she was an odd one. ]
Weren't you picking the place to avoid my stupid ideas?
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[ and he was right, but -- thinking of what to do sans any real thrills or adrenaline inducing activity was... shockingly hard. all there was to do here was--
well, you know. ]
smoked egg or the casino.
whatever'll make you less stupid. how's that?
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[ Not to mention it keeps any unneeded expense reports off the desks of the higher ups and subsequently keeps them from dragging him into their office for an earful, but given how things've been going in Midgar recently he wouldn't be surprised if they took advantage of his, ahem, antics to twist them around in their favor. Whatever though, right? It's not Roche's circus nor are they his monkeys. ]
If you don't want to lose me I'd say the egg, or else you might have to come to my rescue if someone tries to kidnap me again. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with it but seeing as I'd rather spend time with you...
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you talk like a geezer
i'm not a kid you know
how old are you even?
[ there's a dull throb of pain addling his brain, but he's electing to ignore it. right. this is what he knew of SOLDIER -- this is why he left... more notably, he's flustering again -- the heel of his foot drums against the floor. ]
someone tried to what
[ hold up a second. ]
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[ He's no fool — people don't just quit SOLDIER on a whim and even if they did, he knows the company would keep tabs on him for the rest of his natural life. Roche hums to himself and lets the thought cross his mind twice, then shakes it away. No point in dwelling on what-ifs, right? He's not in Midgar. ]
Geezer? And you're asking me how old I am? Honestly 😝
Tried to kidnap me. I simply refused their "offer" and they let me be, that's all.
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listen. i've seen the ugly side of shinra. the risk isn't worth it.
[ maybe, just maybe, it's a thought borne from genuine concern, even if he would be hard pressed to admit it. shinra betrayed him -- stole his life away from him. even if the details are lost in the fog of his mind, the feeling is real; he knows that much. ]
not my fault you talk like you've got grandkids
okay so let's maybe not go to the place that tried to kidnap you
how much cash have you got to burn?
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[ Plus, well, as a Third he does have a great deal more freedom than the ordinary run-of-the-mill trooper and a great deal more than most civilians. There isn't a single doubt in his mind that he'd have never gotten his bike had he stayed, and the Hardy Daytona... Gods, the price tag on that masterpiece would've been astronomical without the money he makes now. ]
No casino, then. Understood ;)
I've got enough, why? I can't imagine Smoked Egg being too expensive unless you plan on trying to clean my wallet out.
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but i guess we're somebody else's property now anyways. this place isn't much different from midgar in the end.
[ in the end, he can't begrudge him for wanting a shot -- for wanting something. isn't that how he'd gotten in his predicament to start with? ]
they've got an underground there. sell things you wouldn't find otherwise. might be good to have something on you in case someone tries to kidnap you again.
but fine. smoking it is. think you can be there in an hour?
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[ Now if only he was able to stop turning them into grease rags when he'd work on his bike and tinker with all the others down in the parking garage for fun... At least the higher-ups don't have to worry about the uniform budget now that he's out of their hair, though the same can't be said for the budget for new machines. ]
It's sweet of you to worry but when I said "kidnap" I meant it more along the lines of them coaxing me into spending the evening with them. Not actual kidnapping. I promise I'm more than capable of handling myself should something like that ever happen with or without a weapon, and if I really do need one? I'm sure I could swing a chair around just fine.
I can do an hour. It'll give me time to gussy myself up for you ♥︎
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[ there's another horrible headache incoming. alright, time to discard that line of thought. ]
oh
[ well now he feels STUPID. ]
right
see you soon enough
[ whatever. this is his best shot at making a decent outtro. give it an hour -- and he is, indeed, positioned at the entrance of the smoked egg. he's suited up in a leather jacket and dark jeans, boots strapped up to his calves. typical bikerwear, appropriate for the occasion. cloud is present on the dot for a change, eyes flitting down at his watch before he notes roche's presence. a silence passes and he strides up to him, body language a bit rigid and stiff -- it's him being awkward more than anything. ]
...Hey. [ a beat. ] You, uh, been here before?
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As he spots Cloud, one hand moves over his heart as if it'd calm the way it quickens at the sight of him, his eyes alight with honest-to-gods joy. Be still, my beating heart. Do not screw this up— ]
I can't say I have, no. I've thought about it once or twice but going to one of these places alone isn't nearly as fun.
[ He takes a slow breath and once he's certain his heart isn't at risk of fluttering from his body, Roche allows himself to give Cloud a careful look from head-to-toe. ]
You're still as dashing as I remember.
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more clumsily withdrawn than anything. it's fine. he's in the process of formulating a response, but his brain scrambles in real time before he can.
his cheeks are not welling with heat, it's fine. you don't see the way the faintest shade of pink crawls across his skin in the dark, nope. cloud opens his mouth. then closes it. then opens it again. ]
...That's-- That's one word for it.
[ great comeback, really. ]
...Only been here twice myself. [ a beat. ] Think they had places like this back in Midgar, but -- I had better things to do. Other places to be.
[ no, he did not. but moving on. the waitstaff usher them into the lounge; the air is thick with smoke, haze-like and surreal as if the very interior of the place is fraying at its edges. they're guided to a large, plush booth, bong front and center. cloud practically hangs off one of its ends. ]
...I can't shake it. [ his eyes roam far ahead, looking into the ether. ] This feeling, like... we should be fighting.... something. Anything.
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Roche shakes his head after a moment, deciding it wasn't that important. When he can't find what he was looking for, he slides the basket over towards Cloud and tilts his chin at it in a silent request of pick something. In the meantime, he turns his attention to the bong and sets to work on setting everything else up with steady hands. ]
Something-anything other than this, you mean?
[ Wordlessly, he holds his hand out for whatever it is he picks. ]
Is it because of our respective, ah... allegiances? Or something else?
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chocolate makes you horny. he knows that much. his fingers skirt over it. vanilla makes you... feel the depths of someone else's grief, stupor, what have you-- "okay, maybe let's not do that either." his hand settles on a strand of strawberry, the scent positively delightful, enticing him more than it should be.
alright. fine. what's the worst that could happen? cloud sets it in the palm of roche's hand, the pads of his fingers brushing up against his skin. ]
Mm. [ he mulls over it for a moment. ] ...Don't think it's that. Fighting's just in who we are. ...At least, that's how it is for me.
[ his shoulders roll back, and his back leans into the plush of the loveseat. ]
So it's--...weird. To not have to do it here... To not be allowed to. And... they took my sword. [ a drawn out silence. ] I can't forgive 'em for that -- no matter what.
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Who says we're not allowed to fight? I've gone at it with a few of the long-time residents already. One was... I think he said he used to be a wrestler? A real one, not like the ones you'd see on stage with costumes and dramatic storylines. I told him I'm a military man and he wanted to go a few rounds, and then there was a man who tackled me outside of that little get-together our hosts threw for us some weeks ago. We damn near tore each other apart, but...
[ Roche waves some of the smoke away when it starts going and if he looks a little proud of himself? Well, let him live, okay? All that's left now is to wait for the rest of it to catch.]
Point is, I truly don't think they care about the occasional fight or brawl so long as one doesn't decide to start swinging at everyone who looks at them funny or says hello.
[ A glance, and Roche lets himself ease back against the seat too, one brow arched in curiosity. Clearly there's more to it than just a sword, but... he isn't going to paw at that particular door like an unruly behemoth. He's smarter than that. ]
They do have wooden ones in a specialized room down in the Beak. They don't let you take them off the floor but if you're itching to go a few rounds like that versus hand-to-hand, I'd be happy to oblige.
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but eventually, the tension bleeds out of his shoulders. he's quiet, back impressing onto the fabric of the loveseat. roche is right there, next to him. right. everything reeks so potently of strawberry right now. ]
...Not the same as my Buster Sword. [ his eyes flicker down. ] It--
It was special.
[ he sounds like such a kid right now. if it weren't for the sweet haze enveloping him right now, he'd shrink right into himself. ]
...Fighting for your life and fighting for fun are two different things. I guess-- it's the same, for some people...
[ a beat. ]
I'm...
I'm kind of into a good fight. The ones that really get your blood pumping... the ones where you have no idea if you'll make it out of there in one piece. Yeah, those ones...
[ a moment passes -- and he jolts up, as if suddenly cognizant of what he said.
oh, fuck. this was one of those flavors. ]
...You have got to be kidding me.
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It's genuine. ]
Didn't mean to let that one slip? It's fine, Cloud.
[ Saying his name for real feels... good. Really, really good if he's allowed to be honest with himself. Sure, Roche loves coming up with nicknames and petnames for pretty much everyone he meets in his life but there was something much more intimate about using the former. Something in his heart flutters, and he reaches for one of the hoses to finally take a proper drag before he exhales the smoke through his nose like some mythical sea serpent from Wutai's legends.
He wordlessly offers it up with a little wiggle-wave. ]
I get it. The line between fighting and foreplay is so thin that it may as well not exist for me but it's... very rare that I find myself in a situation where it blurs in with the rest of the road. That's partially why I push my engine as hard as I do — I want that thrill and I can't quite find it among my own brothers and sisters within the company.
[ Sparring troopers wasn't much fun when they came to him. Other Thirds? Trouncing them was easy. Seconds... They could put up a damned good fight, but they were outnumbered by those in his own rank. Firsts? Ha, that's funny. Now, the road? That's where the real rush was. ]
So, believe me when I say there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'd even go out on a limb and wager that having that kind of response is natural.
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the sudden onslaught of his high right now isn't exactly helping. he's used to the grandeur -- to his more grandiose expressions. and less used to people attempting to make him feel... normal. even when he knows, deep within his heart, that he's not. that he never has been, and never will be.
cloud's breath is caught in his throat. flush creeps into his cheeks, although he hopes that the low light of the lounge obscures it. ]
...I don't know. [ he admits more honestly. ] Maybe it isn't normal for everyone. Maybe it's just us.
[ cloud's eyes flicker away. his inhibitions are lowering in real time -- words tumble out of his mouth, haphazard and earnest. ]
...Back in Midgar. When we were racing-- [ a pause. ] S'that mean you... were turned on, or?
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[ It's not a no which is the important part. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't, nor did he bother holding back when it came to the stupid, wild shit that came out of his mouth that night. He'd do it all over again if he could too, and he will the instant the opportunity presents itself even if it's not quite the way he'd like it to go. ]
Though I wouldn't say it's just us. I've met a few people in my time here and back home who seem to ride the same roads, though I will say that we're quite different compared to everyone else here. We're SOLDIERs, you and I, and that makes our bond that much more special. People could try but I don't think they'd truly understand what it's like for us.
[ Roche tilts his head and for a moment, the light catches his eyes in just the right way to make the mako truly shine. ]
You felt it too, didn't you? If I'm not mistaken I could've sworn I felt a spark ignite between us that night, and I don't mean the ones I was casting.
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[ in ordinary circumstances, it'd be easier to lie -- to keep everything firmly lodged behind that deliberately constructed mask of his. but the smoke makes him play looser, easier, and cloud meets roche's gaze. mako intermingles with mako, the light casting off of each other's eyes. ]
...Yeah. I--...
I did. [ he admits honestly, withdrawing into his more sheepish, boy-like core. ]
I don't...really know what to do about that.
[ where to take that feeling -- or what comes from it. especially here. ]
...What do you want to do about it?
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[ Everything and anything is what he wants to say. Those three simple words sit poised on the end of his tongue while he taps and rolls the mouthpiece of his hose over his bottom lip, thinking and choosing his next words. As spontaneous as he can be, he knows that there's a time and place for such behavior and Roche knows that now isn't one of those moments. ]
Ha. I... Given the circumstances I'd gladly take whatever you saw fit to offer, as would I be happy to give whatever you'd ask of me.
[ Because what he truly yearns for — hearing the sweet, cacophonous roar of both of their engines skirting the red and singing together — was nearly impossible in the resort. The vehicles in the garage were good, yes. Good, beautiful, and begging to let their songs be heard after months and years of being kept silent if the old-timers were to be believed, but they weren't the ones Roche wanted to share. Their frames couldn't handle one SOLDIER let alone two, not like his girl could.
He misses that red beauty more than ever. ]
Even if I only manage to steal moments like this. When I said I wanted to know you, I meant it, Cloud.
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he blinks once. then twice. in the dark, both of their eyes glow wildly, like the spark of an engine. cloud shifts closer, the heel of his palm pressing down against roche's thigh. ]
...We don't have any bikes here.
[ no shit, buddy. a beat. ]
I...
[ the strawberry haze coaxes something inexplicably truthful out of him -- something honest. ]
Don't think-- I know myself either...
[ he swallows. ]
...Hey. [ a drawn out silence. ] ...Let me touch you.
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