[The question genuinely surprises him; Daan had thought he was being fairly polite, though if perhaps restrained. The grip is also strong, perhaps telling that Cloud is worried or upset.
Daan reaches up, placing is hand over Cloud's.]
I do. [That's the problem, isn't it? He does want to see Cloud again; he likes their time together, when he shouldn't.]
[ this wasn’t the time to be having this conversation. he knows this. they both know this. he doesn’t want to ask the million dollar question outright, the “what are we?” — if they were having sex and leaving it at that, it’d be one thing. but the hand holding, the kisses, these dates; not even he’s stupid enough to deny what’s going on. ]
…Don’t want to mess things up.
[ it’s already too late for that. whatever happens from here and onward won’t phase out easily. maybe that’s what terrifies him, too. ]
[He knows. It would've been one thing if this was more casual, or if Daan had been smart about keeping Cloud at arm's length. However, that's not how it's turned out; he sees the parts that fascinate him, that make him feel cared for. Safe, in some respects. Did he ever feel actually safe in the von Dutch estate?
There are too many things he is questioning now. He shouldn't, he can't. This would be almost easier if the fucking cat would just come in with his sickeningly sweet voice and offer his rotten deal.]
...We're human. We will make mistakes. Hell, I've got plenty I've made.
Just don't be a dick about it and we can work it out.
[ he doesn’t believe it is — not entirely. but he’s fond of that part of daan, too; the way he manages to make it all seem so simple, even when they know it isn’t. ]
…Fine. [ he resigns in that characteristically bratty little way. ] You sure you’re okay? You don’t need me to go back to your place with you?
[It's already complicated, though. It's been complicated and it will only get more complicated. When is ever a good time to put an end to it for Cloud's own good? Hell if he knows.
Gently, he squeezes Cloud's hand.]
Well, you don't need to, but you're welcome to come along.
[ neither of them are saying what they’re really thinking, and he’s aware of that on some level. it’s fine. they didn’t need to talk about it. he could have this for now — just be content with what daan’s giving him. ignore that selfish impulse that’s telling him he wants more.
his head pivots up, the rush of warmth to his hand returning him to reality. and then he squeezes his hand back with some shyness. ]
Your place, huh. We could… do something. [ a beat before he corrects himself– ] Not sex, I mean. [ uh. ] Just… hang around. Do what people do.
[It feels cruel, letting it hang in the air like this. If he was better -- more disciplined, smarter, a good man -- he'd have done it. But he holds on, gathering what bit of enjoyment he can afford before it slips through his fingers like sand.
Right now, he lets his hand settle in Cloud's.]
Sure. We can do that.
Don't really have much there, but I can at least fix us a drink or something.
That genuinely catches him off guard; he still isn't used to being flustered about this kind of thing, but he does feel heat creeping up onto his face. How the hell did Cloud accidentally get to be smooth for like one second?
Clearing his throat, Daan glances away.]
...Well. Sounds like that will work, then. Wonderful.
[Anyway! Daan will just get their various lingerie and call that a day.]
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no subject
Daan reaches up, placing is hand over Cloud's.]
I do. [That's the problem, isn't it? He does want to see Cloud again; he likes their time together, when he shouldn't.]
I didn't mean to imply otherwise.
no subject
[ this wasn’t the time to be having this conversation. he knows this. they both know this. he doesn’t want to ask the million dollar question outright, the “what are we?” — if they were having sex and leaving it at that, it’d be one thing. but the hand holding, the kisses, these dates; not even he’s stupid enough to deny what’s going on. ]
…Don’t want to mess things up.
[ it’s already too late for that. whatever happens from here and onward won’t phase out easily. maybe that’s what terrifies him, too. ]
no subject
[He knows. It would've been one thing if this was more casual, or if Daan had been smart about keeping Cloud at arm's length. However, that's not how it's turned out; he sees the parts that fascinate him, that make him feel cared for. Safe, in some respects. Did he ever feel actually safe in the von Dutch estate?
There are too many things he is questioning now. He shouldn't, he can't. This would be almost easier if the fucking cat would just come in with his sickeningly sweet voice and offer his rotten deal.]
...We're human. We will make mistakes. Hell, I've got plenty I've made.
Just don't be a dick about it and we can work it out.
no subject
[ he doesn’t believe it is — not entirely. but he’s fond of that part of daan, too; the way he manages to make it all seem so simple, even when they know it isn’t. ]
…Fine. [ he resigns in that characteristically bratty little way. ] You sure you’re okay? You don’t need me to go back to your place with you?
no subject
[It's already complicated, though. It's been complicated and it will only get more complicated. When is ever a good time to put an end to it for Cloud's own good? Hell if he knows.
Gently, he squeezes Cloud's hand.]
Well, you don't need to, but you're welcome to come along.
no subject
[ neither of them are saying what they’re really thinking, and he’s aware of that on some level. it’s fine. they didn’t need to talk about it. he could have this for now — just be content with what daan’s giving him. ignore that selfish impulse that’s telling him he wants more.
his head pivots up, the rush of warmth to his hand returning him to reality. and then he squeezes his hand back with some shyness. ]
Your place, huh. We could… do something. [ a beat before he corrects himself– ] Not sex, I mean. [ uh. ] Just… hang around. Do what people do.
no subject
Right now, he lets his hand settle in Cloud's.]
Sure. We can do that.
Don't really have much there, but I can at least fix us a drink or something.
no subject
[ he did not mean to turn the rizz on, it kind of just came out like that. ]
Won’t say no to a free drink though.
no subject
That genuinely catches him off guard; he still isn't used to being flustered about this kind of thing, but he does feel heat creeping up onto his face. How the hell did Cloud accidentally get to be smooth for like one second?
Clearing his throat, Daan glances away.]
...Well. Sounds like that will work, then. Wonderful.
[Anyway! Daan will just get their various lingerie and call that a day.]